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We lived like dragonflies
Emerging from our chrysalises
To find light in the form of a new place
We were so scared of
Not realizing the 'now'
Until it became the 'then'
And when it was
All written in past tense
Neatly typed
And scrawled in the dirt beneath our fingernails
And the chalk used up like our minds and our sanity
Blown with pink unkissed lips to the wind
To spell out our sidewalk songs
'I don't care.'
J-walking the world
Reflected in our sleepless eyes
Focused on birds dancing over scuffed wood floors
That shine like gold

I'll miss those badminton days
When all I needed
Was us
And you
And me
Running on the rush
Thriving on pure adrenaline
Until we couldn't do it anymore
And the heat
In our faces
In our hearts
In our minds
Takes over

We lived like death-eaters
Ruthless in our unlaced combat boots
And trench coats
Since the tick tick tick of the clock
Told us we had no time to tie bows
The knots though are made
Knobby and freckled like our knees and knuckles
In the wire
In the web
In the keyboard shortcut
Login page
Wrist to wrist
Knee to knee

I'll miss those parallel days
Neat teeth in a row
We don't want the picket fence
We want the unmowed lawn
Hurling words and basketballs to find a feeling
Any feeling
Since all we have left is numbness
Folded between never-ending enveleopes
The stamp on my sleeve
And my heart to you
Don't forget don't forget don't forget
Remember when remember when remember when?
Binding our legs
In colored jeans

We lived like parrots
Never ceasing
Always talking
Every idea, every scheme, every thought, every experience
Shared in an excessive, excited cesspool of babble
That may just be the wisest thing in the world
So we just don't forget

I'll miss those night-time days
When it's so late it's early
And we can't remember what day it is
Because we crossed the line that's never really crossed
And again, we don't stop talking
Because you can't forget
Not ever
And all we've gained and all we've lost
And everyday is a counting day
Speaking to faceless names you'll never know
But it doesn't matter
Because we're all best friends anyway
We lived like kings
Drunk on the plundered spoils
Of under ripe fruit and fake meat
Screaming to prove a point
No one really has
And grinding down our teeth
Gritted against the gritty execution of our innocence
Biting our lip
Until the nosebleed stops
Because we just might get caught

I'll miss those cold days
When the parade to the filthy, tired ferry on wheels
Looks like a penguin circus
Everyone round and bloated and imperfect
Like inflatable dummies or paper cutouts
Rosy cheeks and chapped lips
Under striped, twelve-foot scarves

We lived in converse shoes
Worn through to the bone
Soaking wet with God knows what
Our mud-splattered legs aching
As we run run run away
Hiding in our hollow, flooded hearts
From the coming 'when'
And the soles wear away
To show our souls
Creased like the bottoms
Of our tender bare feet
Fraying away at the end
Like our shoelaces

We lived like wild things
No disciplines
Running savage on cracked concrete
Grazing the sky in our swing suicides
Hiding from the Fame Monster under our beds
Singing to each other like we do
To our shower walls
All porcelain infested with rivulets of mold like us
Because we are overcooked and half-baked and left out in the sun in the rain
Talking to our soap bar microphones
Dancing even though we don't know how
And then we stopped
Singing and dancing and not caring
Because our parents came home
Or were there all along
And they just don't get
That we're so so so so so scared
Because really, truly, honestly
We have no idea what we're doing
And what the hell is going on
Our future is becoming the 'now'
And our 'then' that we cling to
Like infants to their mother's womb
Was becoming all too fast
A faded black and white photograph in someone's basement

I'll miss our Always days
Faces pockmarked by the shadow of a place structure
Lurking beneath it like alligators
Sleeping on ground up pebbled rubber
Inflated to a sickeningly comfortable matress
By dust and rain and the heartbeat of children's shoes
Because the sun had streaked our vibrant eyes at last
And we looked with a lust for the world
As so many ideas and plans crumble
Like the stale bread on my sandwich
Because the 'when' is here and We are now becoming a 'then'

We lived like split ends
Untamable, rebels with a cause
Running down the up escalator
Talking the down elevator up
But now we're just sideways
Somewhere in between
Like a diagonal Twilight Zone
Scratching the runs in our stockings and the itches in our crinolines
Sweltering in the heat
Of untimely fog-banishing summer
And unsureness
Stumbling ankle over toe
As we try to stand in shoes with the barest minimum of a heel
Trying to accept that the children of our 'then' are becoming the women of our 'now'
Looking so dar into the 'when' that we won't see the one right before us

I'll miss our sonic days
Bathed in blue light
Your face illuminated
In the reflection of an LCD projector
Or is it the joy
Of our crazy, twisted, night-is-day world
And you look
Like a blind man
Because I can't see your eyes
Since your glasses only show
A backwards reflection of a British actor
And this is just the World to us

We lived like pincushions and scissors
Cut cut cut
Snip Snip Snip
Snapping away
At our futures and our time
Because that half a season in between our homework is worth it
Although nothing can compare
To our own lunch table soap opera
And my gray hands,
Shining with a mutation of graphite
Bitten down and nearly bloody fingers
Catching on yours
Don't let go, not ever
In this sea of a hallway
One second of hesitation and you'll be gone prematurely
So I hold on so much tighter
Not caring if your fingers snap
Because that's the only way I'll feel it
Twenty years from now

I'll miss Everything
About the plastic bag
That looked like an angel
A mighty raven seraphim
To us, etched against an emptiness
That was only comparable
To something resembling
A blank slate
Even though there's no such thing
A place like the Secret Garden
Adorned by our splayed forms
In that godforsaken heat
Our mist-blown bodies were not made for
Sheltering beneath that bizarre piece of shrubbery
We could not find a name for
That looked like a mustache of sorts
Jumping from the last stair
Because the first one
Was just too challenging for us
Counting the pennies
Event thought they were all gone
Spent somewhere between
Aisle 300 and Aisle 600
And the green ebbs away
As piles of books and buttons and useless adorable things pile up in their place
In the fantastic way only the memorabilia of a nerd can

And we lived
Like time travelers
Repeating the past in our minds
Over and over
A replay loop like a contemporary art piece
Remembering everything we'd felt as one
Because our future and what was coming
In stately bureaucratic envelopes
Was too painful to bare
So we bit our tongues
To hold back every complaint and contemplation
Until they were opened and crumpled
Into balls like miniature worlds,
Thrown into the galaxy of our trash cans
And we peeled the paint back
To reveal our image of nostalgia
A simplified reflection of the now that was once the 'when'
As it slips into the 'then'

Repeat by lamarnza

/ / / ©2010-2015 lamarnza
This is a really personal poem, I may delete it later.

You'll know what it's about if you know what it's about [if that makes sense] Like, it will make sense to certain people and to others it won't...evar. And I won't explain it to you. Nonetheless, it's a good poem [I think] even if you don't GET IT get it...
Add a Comment:
Cele6 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2010
everytime i feel bad i read this poem. i cried also.
lamarnza Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2010
Cele6 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2010
in the GOOD way, i just realized how that might sound
ZodinaeTux Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010   Writer
It will never make sense to me, I guess. But I like it. A lot.

My eyes got a little teary even though I don't get it.
lamarnza Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
Thank you. :)
lamarnza Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
You knew what it was about, so it made sense to you :D :hug:
cHeWyisG00D Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2010
I like this piece, it makes me anxious about how every moment becomes a 'then'
lamarnza Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2010
You know what it's about if you know what it's about Husband :)
EvaMcDiva Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2010
T_T *hug*
livvea Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
lamarnza Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
:') We know what it's about *conspiracy*
livvea Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
You made me cry.
lamarnza Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
:hug: Again...not the write emote... :meow:?
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Submitted on
March 22, 2010
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